I’m a people pleaser. I think it’s honestly one of my worst flaws other than my impatience. I’m a “yes woman.” I’m codependent. I tell people “yes” because it makes me think they’ll like me. I said yes because I knew it made others happy and in turn, I thought I’d be happy too. I said yes even when I knew making others happy was at my expense and I was sacrificing my own happiness and peace.
Recently, I was watching an episode of Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union. The episode was originally about friendships but Gabrielle Union made a few statements that spoke to me. When Jada was talking about herself being a people pleaser, she asked Gabrielle how does she deal with that to which Gabrielle responded:
I SAY NO! And no used to be so terrifying because no means a boundary and if you put up boundaries, maybe people won’t come back.
This is me, scared to say no because of how others would react and how it would affect me. Scared that they would leave and I’d be alone again. See, being codependent is unhealthy and it’s even unhealthier when you’re codependent on people. I’ve had to come to the harsh realization that at some point, everyone leaves. Nothing lasts forever … or so they say. I’ve also had to realize that not everyone you lose is a loss.
During Therapy Thursday with Nikkiesthoughts, (check out her IG and podcast), I asked her about my people pleasing dilemma and boundaries. She kindly read me for filth and let me know my boundaries are for me and all I’m doing is getting in my boundary’s way. She asked me how do I feel after I say yes to someone when I didn’t really want to? What feeling do I go to sleep with at night? What feeling do I get when I look in the mirror? She advised me to surround myself only with people who would do the same for me as I would do for them. Matter of fact, be around people who would go above and beyond for you.
I realized I needed to reach a level where I only concern myself with people who believe in reciprocity. I should not concern myself with how others might take offense to me when I tell them no. My main focus should be me and my peace. I’ve come to realize that your growth tends to weed out the bad seeds you were letting sit around while they tried to steal and absorb your light. These people need to go. I’ve always tried to hang on when I needed to let go, not realizing I was only hurting myself more in the process.
It’s time for me to enter a new level where I let go of this fear of people not liking me. I’m letting go of caring and putting others before myself. These changes may anger a few but like Gabrielle Union said, “It’s difficult to take control of a healed, evolved person.”
5 thoughts on “Being a “Yes Woman” …”
Shayna i love that you love to make everyone around you happy in any way you can but your happiness comes first. I’m so proud to call you my best friend and to first hand witness the growth on a daily basis. LH forever !
Shayna i love that you love to make everyone around you happy in any way you can but your happiness comes first. I’m so proud to call you my best friend and to first hand witness the growth on a daily basis. LH forever !!
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My Beautiful and Precious Angel, Since you were a little girl, you have always had a heart of “gold”. Always and continually giving everyone your best, going above and beyond. I’m extremely proud you are stepping out on faith and entering a new phase in life, learning if individuals are NOT reciprocating the same actions or feelings, “going above and beyond”, move on and let them go. Focusing on God first, yourself next and realizing man will fail you every time but GOD never fails. I’m proud to call you my daughter and overjoyed with our bond and relationship. Love you Sweetie! 😘❤️😘
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This is a great read . Just like you, I struggle with being a “ yes girl” at times . I have an issue with disappointing people and having people be upset with me and I soon realized that I was disappointing myself in the interim . It took me a long time but I see the importance of protecting your peace at all times and making sure that YOU put yourself first . When you evolve it makes others very uncomfortable and that’s their problem ,not yours . I don’t know what brought me to check out your blog at 3:30 am (lol) but I’m glad I did. Keep up the great work sis 😘
Great post! Very relatable, I think those of us who are people pleasers just need to realise we don’t just exist to appease others or get people to like us