Who were you before they broke your heart? Do you remember? I think I was less tainted … my perspective of love being what I thought I saw in the movies. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t going to have a love like Monica and Quincy. (This was back when I played basketball, now I look at that movie as a crock of SugarHoneyIcedTea.) Then there was Martin and Gina … other than being obsessed with the show, I LOVEDDD their relationship and swore I was going to be in love and have a relationship like that, until …
Every now and then, I like to take time for some self-evaluation. During these moments, I affirm myself, choosing things that I admire and pinpointing when I’ve done something good for myself. Also, I find things that I’m not happy with and do my best to work towards changing them. Instead this time, I’m not conforming myself to fit in where I never was meant to. I’ve tried and failed plenty of times when it comes to being someone more acceptable, more normal, more lovable but there is something I’ve always failed at to which I’ve opened my eyes abruptly:
I’M ALWAYS APOLOGIZING.
“Truth is … I attract damaged people because I have a healing spirit, but who gonna heal me?”
I saw this meme and immediately double tapped it. This is a question I tend to ask myself … mostly after I’ve done what I could to help someone else to only realize I’m alone in tending to my own mess. I’ve wanted to call and talk to someone, to ask for help .. but who would understand and not judge me? Listen and actually hear me?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told that I should lose weight. From family members to doctors visits, I’ve always had someone telling me that my weight was too high. Visiting the doctor became a nightmare for me at a young age because I grew increasingly tired of hearing the term, “obese.” Nothing about the experiences were ever encouraging or motivating but more or less, debilitating to my confidence. Imagine being six or seven years old and being on a diet that became noticeable to everyone at school. This was the beginning of the bullying that I would endure throughout elementary school lasting until middle school.
This is my brain when I’m unable to deal with my emotions and my coping mechanism is … food.
Hey everyone and welcome to my blog! I appreciate you so much for taking the time out of your busy days to indulge and partake on what goes on in this mind of mine. In life, we have all experienced our fair share of laughs, smiles, heartbreaks, and tribulations. Though we have all experienced such, no one ever taught us how to pick ourselves up after we go through hardships. No one advised us on healthy ways to cope which causes us to turn to our own vices, myself included. I feel we’ve only been taught how to tolerate, not how to overcome. I’m on a journey in which I’m picking up all of my broken pieces and am putting myself back together, carefully and with love. I no longer want to hide behind fake smiles and halfhearted, “I’m okay’s.” I became inspired to write this blog because I no longer want to claim the broken mind frame.
Moore or Less will encompass a journey of how a once shattered woman became a breathtaking mosaic of the battles she’s won.