Before getting my sexy back, I spoke with y’all about experiencing different chapters in our lives. For those of us who are committed readers, how many happy endings did you come to before reading about the villain who came and fucked everything up? How many of us can actually acknowledge that sometimes we’re the villain in our own stories?
Through this transition, I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection, as I frequently do. I’ve never been the type of person to label myself as a victim or to even carry the title proudly as some do. I realized while processing my current chapter that I’ve been the villain in my own story on a few occasions. Many of the recent traumas I experienced were because I allowed them to happen and this revelation has lead me to kicking myself in my own ass … beating myself up for allowing such bullshit to not only occur but continue.
Now, I’m no longer beating myself up. I’m accepting the lessons I decided to learn the hard way and forgiving myself as well.
I forgive myself for losing myself while helping others find themselves.
I forgive myself for trying to be the peacemaker even though being the peacemaker isn’t always peaceful.
I forgive myself for meeting someone at their potential rather than accepting their reality.
I forgive myself for settling for less than I deserved.
I forgive myself for thinking I deserved less.
I forgive myself for doubting my self worth.
I forgive myself for feeling as though it was my obligation to heal someone.
I forgive myself for placing myself and my feelings second to others.
I forgive myself for being a rehabilitation center for others instead of using my own tools to rehabilitate myself.
I saw a meme that said “no one tells you this but the healing hurts more than the wound” and I’ll be damned if that ain’t the truth. Your healing is your responsibility. There’s going to be the good parts, the bad, and the ugly … because when I cry, I give Taraji a run for her money with the ugly cry LOL. It’s all apart of the process though … you can’t skip these parts and don’t try to as you’re only hindering your process. Keep pushing y’all … and forgive yourself because there ain’t one of us out here who’s perfect.