Before getting my sexy back, I spoke with y’all about experiencing different chapters in our lives. For those of us who are committed readers, how many happy endings did you come to before reading about the villain who came and fucked everything up? How many of us can actually acknowledge that sometimes we’re the villain in our own stories?

Through this transition, I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection, as I frequently do. I’ve never been the type of person to label myself as a victim or to even carry the title proudly as some do. I realized while processing my current chapter that I’ve been the villain in my own story on a few occasions. Many of the recent traumas I experienced were because I allowed them to happen and this revelation has lead me to kicking myself in my own ass … beating myself up for allowing such bullshit to not only occur but continue.

Now, I’m no longer beating myself up. I’m accepting the lessons I decided to learn the hard way and forgiving myself as well.

I forgive myself for losing myself while helping others find themselves.

I forgive myself for trying to be the peacemaker even though being the peacemaker isn’t always peaceful.

I forgive myself for meeting someone at their potential rather than accepting their reality.

I forgive myself for settling for less than I deserved.

I forgive myself for thinking I deserved less.

I forgive myself for doubting my self worth.

I forgive myself for feeling as though it was my obligation to heal someone.

I forgive myself for placing myself and my feelings second to others.

I forgive myself for being a rehabilitation center for others instead of using my own tools to rehabilitate myself.

I saw a meme that said “no one tells you this but the healing hurts more than the wound” and I’ll be damned if that ain’t the truth. Your healing is your responsibility. There’s going to be the good parts, the bad, and the ugly … because when I cry, I give Taraji a run for her money with the ugly cry LOL. It’s all apart of the process though … you can’t skip these parts and don’t try to as you’re only hindering your process. Keep pushing y’all … and forgive yourself because there ain’t one of us out here who’s perfect.

6 thoughts on “Forgiveness.

  1. I’m slowly learning that even if I react, it won’t change anything, it won’t make people suddenly love and respect me, it won’t magically change their minds. Sometimes it’s better to just let things be, let people go, don’t fight for closure, don’t ask for explanations, don’t chase answers and don’t expect people to understand where you’re coming from. I’m slowly learning that life is better lived when you don’t center it on what’s happening around you and center it on what’s happening inside you instead. Work on yourself and your inner peace.

    Forgiveness for “SELF” first is the key!

    Phenomenal and awesome Sweetie! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

    Mom loves you beyond words and I’m extremely proud of you!! Keep striving, grinding, and healing for greatness.



  2. What a great and inciteful post. Once again you are right on point. A lot of people need to hear this to begin their healing process. Keep dropping that knowledge Babygirl. Dad is proud of you and loves you infinitely!


  3. Shayna
    This was awesome. So may people including myself need to learn to self forgive. It’s a hard process as we know but it has to take place in order to heal from this thing called LIFE. The trials and tribulations are always going to be there but the lessons learned and the healing that comes is so worth it.
    If we could all learn that self is and has to first but we are trying heal each other or somebody else and then we are left with what? Ourself.
    Self reflection, self worth and most importantly self respect.

    Love this and will continue the other chapters. You outdid yourself with this one. Keep up the good work!


  4. I can definitely relate to ur story . I hope you keep posting bc ur words can really help a lot of ppl. Give mediation a try . I started my journey of healing in December 2019 . My family had broke me into pieces . Once i separated myself from them i started working on me rebuilding myself better than ever . I’m proud of all my work I’ve done so far . So much more to go . I’m learning to b selfish and put myself first . Make the best out of everything and always find the good in things . Keep up the good work .

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks . Focus on the good …the good gets better . I’m learning some steps you have to take alone . It’s the only way to figure out where you need to go and who you need to be . To be successful you have to be persistent and consistent. Persistence gets you there but being consistent keeps you there . Please blog more .


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