It’s weird how time changes things. Growing up, my childhood trauma and codependency lead me to establish friendships that weren’t always meant for my higher good. I’m an only girl and being an only girl had me looking for sisterhood anywhere I could find it. As a young girl, I was always looking for acceptance and validation … but that wasn’t always what I found.
I remember every connection I’ve ever had with certain individuals with whom I’ve considered to be a friend. There are so many times where I begin to miss them and take a trip down memory lane but these memories also caused me to remember the disrespect.
In the past, I’ve tolerated the highest levels of bullshit and disrespect for the sake of keeping a friend. Trust me, I had all of the excuses for these ain’t shit friends:
”They didn’t mean it.”
”They said they were sorry.”
”We’ve known each other for so long.”
Nikkie’s Thoughts said it best, “Time don’t mean shit! Time is a man made concept. You can meet someone tomorrow who has better intentions and supports you wholeheartedly more than somebody you’ve known all your life.”
I had to learn to accept this harsh reality because I was keeping too many people around straight off of longevity and the love I had for them. Things always started off good in the beginning. We’d hang out and have a good time. We’d laugh and share jokes. Hell, we’d even partake in some gossip together. Soon after, the tables turn and now you’re the topic of conversation when you aren’t around. You start noticing differences in behavior towards you when y’all are around other people. Snide comments are made about your achievements or they’re disguised in sarcastic compliments. You’re left out of certain events and outings because “they forgot” or “they didn’t think you’d want to go.” You realize you’re the one always reaching out and once you decide to no longer extend the effort, y’all no longer speak.
I can’t say how many times this has happened to me in my life. I’ve honestly lost count. I used to grieve and mourn as if I’d just ended a romantic relationship. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized not everyone you lose is a loss. These friendships had to happen and they had to end because I wasn’t holding them or myself accountable. These “friends” were only doing to me what I allowed. As I grew and matured, my tolerance for half-assed friendships lessened and my friendship circles grew smaller.
I’ve experienced my share of friendship heartbreaks, one being recent, and the impact still weighs heavy on my heart to this day. I’ve had people whose opinions I’ve valued point out unhealthy behavior and toxicity in the past that I completely ignored. When you think you know someone, you feel there’s no one who can speak about them to you. Unfortunately, true colors tend to show when situations change. I think as our stories unfold and we write our chapters, never do we think that someone we considered a friend would be written as a villain.
I recently attended a retreat called The Mending Space where I met and connected with women I had never met before. With these women, I felt safe. It was there where I learned that your true friends must provide you with a safe space. Space to be yourself, space to release without judgment, and space to be vulnerable. Friendships are a different version of love. If you can’t comfortably tell your friends you love them or receive it back, spare yourself the heartbreak.
Venture out. Build new connections. Establish healthy boundaries. Love yourself first and everyone else second. Don’t hold or carry any hate in your heart because it’s too heavy of a burden for YOU to bear. Hell, I still have love for old friends as I had loved them before. So to wrap this up, shout out to those “friends.” I still wish the best for you. I still have love for you.
Stay away from me though.
What makes you a good friend is not doing something that you know will intentionally hurt another person.
Moore Or Less 
When you have been through hard times and come out the other side, look around you. The people still there are your true friends. Friendships born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” It is only the great hearted who can be true friends. The mean and cowardly, can never know what true friendship means. Definitely found that at The Mending Space Retreat…a safe space and incredible group of women to share, trust and heal. Applause all day Sweetie!! True hard core facts!! Awesome read! Thanks for ALWAYS keeping it real!!
Mom loves you very much!!
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You are so right mommy! Tough times reveal real people and I’ve learned that! I appreciate the fact that no matter who stays or leaves my side, I can always count on you! I love you mommy!
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Love you unconditionally and wholeheartedly Sweetie!!😘♥️💯😘
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So true !! We don’t talk enough about growing apart from friends and sometimes that can hurt more than a breakup , but ! It’s for our greater good and ultimately we grow , we become better , and make room for the ones that will be the real definition of a friend. It will be like a breath of fresh air . Friendships are important and as women we definitely need them. With a lot of grace and love women move mountains together . Women are great together , only if most can actually grasp that instead of hating on each other . But hey! We live and we learn ! Praying for great friendships to fill your life ! ❤️❤️
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It baffles me how some people don’t see their friendships as being impactful within in our character, our mental health and our lives! Competition and envy amongst friends is unhealthy and toxic. Women need to start building sisterhoods and uplifting each other more! I pray you have friendships that fulfill you and your life as well!
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You couldn’t have said it any better Booski. Friendships are hard to walk away from specially when you guys have through so much together, and seen each other grow. Friends make a difference in our lives, but when its take to let go, its best to do so.
I really admire you, you’re a strong woman booski, if anyone has the opportunity to have you as a friend its a BLESSING! I have you as a sister and I thank God for you because YOU have made a difference in my life, made me believe that I can actually trust a woman and have someone I can talk to without feeling judged.
I Love You Booski.
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My booski!!!! Thank you so much for your comment! You are absolutely right. It’s very hard to walk away from certain friendships but after awhile, halfhearted apologies just don’t cut it anymore. Changed behavior is the real apology! You are my sister, my booski, and I love you for the difference you’ve made in my life!!!
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Correct! Halfhearted apologies dont mean shit anymore! Actions do speak louder than words! Some times we gotta cut out the ones we thought we were our closet one, but in reality they were the same ones holding us back from being happy. Cant look back though, going back with no change it’s like rewatching the same movie expecting a different ending.
I got you booski.
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Good post… in any type of ship, whether its a partnership, friendship, or relationship, one person shouldn’t be doing most or all the taking and one person shouldn’t be doing most of all the giving either… Also, people in our daily lives are either assets or liabilities. Therefore, with that being said some people you have known for a while don’t want to continue to grow and evolve in life like you might be trying to do. This is why best friends in high school, maybe still friends years later, but not nearly as close as they use to be because they have grown apart or not having that same connection with someone you started dating in your early 20s now that you’re in your late 20s. Last, it’s natural to gravitate and start to be around others who want what you want out of life and striving for similar things since iron sharpens iron.
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Yes, I completely agree! You hit the nail on the head. I think in life we outgrow people and that’s okay. Not everyone you encounter is meant to be around for a lifetime but perhaps only for a season. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it was greatly appreciated!
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Yeah, if the people in our close circle not trying to go or want what we want out of life, they ultimately will end up being a liability to us, whether directly or indirectly. Key reason you might see someone that can’t seem to get ahead in life, even with a good job and career, because often times they got too many people in their inner circle that are bringing drama, stressing them out, and needing to borrow money often.
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You are truly amazing! Your growth over the years is inspiring. It feels good when you actually find genuine people who want the best for you and uplift you. Those are the friendships that are cherished. Glad to call you my friend and sister..love you boo
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Damn you Dani! You got my thug ass over here tearing up lol thank you so much for your support sis! I appreciate you and love the hell out of you! You’re definitely a sister for life. You know the family loves you lol
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