It Couldn’t Be Me …

How many of us have ever heard or seen someone in a situation and have been quick to say, “couldn’t be me?” Let’s be honest because I’ve been one of those people as well. There have been plenty of times where some of my friends or coworkers have vented to me about a situation and I’d say girl, you’re better than me because I couldn’t deal with it. I’ve had this way of thinking until it actually was me …

When you hear the term domestic violence, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Most people say “Ike and Tina” since there was a movie that depicted their relationship. Fast forward to today and the celebrity faces of domestic violence are Fabolous and Emily B. My first problem with society is the fact that when the news first broke out about their incident, it seems everyone’s first question was, “What did she do?” I’m sorry but … what? There should never be a reason why a man feels the need to put his hands on a woman. EVER. And vice versa. Nothing should constitute a man or woman receiving physical violence as a means of consequence for an act their partner didn’t like.

It has come to light now that Emily B and Fab are back together by recent Instagram posts. Many have stated how she’s “stupid” for going back to him. I’ve seen men, and even women, support Fabolous and his actions. I’ve even seen some women state there’s nothing wrong with a man having to “physically” put his woman in check because it’s needed. I’ve seen some women comment on the situation but have yet to realize that Emily is a reflection of them. Let that sink in.

How many of you have family members or friends who have been victims of domestic violence? I do. How many of you yourselves have been victims of domestic violence? I have. Wait, Shayna … I didn’t know that about you. Of course you didn’t. It’s not a badge of honor that one likes to wear but I do wear SURVIVOR pretty well. Let me be the first to tell you, it’s not as easy as you think to leave. Statistics show a victim is in danger mostly when they attempt to leave their situation/relationship. On an average, a victim attempts to leave 7 times before they are either successful or severely harmed, perhaps even killed.

Domestic violence isn’t always physical either. It’s verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive and sexual. It’s all about power and control. Domestic violence occurs across the world, in various cultures, and affects people of all economic statuses. Aside from being a victim/survivor, there are people who have decided to become advocates like myself and dedicate their time to helping people in situations such as these. I don’t judge, I don’t look down upon anyone within this situation. Neither should you because it could be you. If not, it could be your mom, sister, brother, cousin, best friend, coworker, anyone. If you’re not looking to help this population, do not speak down on them. Like my grandmother always used to say, sweep around your own doorstep.



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