I’m a Lover, not a Fighter …

Who were you before they broke your heart? Do you remember? I think I was less tainted … my perspective of love being what I thought I saw in the movies. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t going to have a love like Monica and Quincy. (This was back when I played basketball, now I look at that movie as a crock of SugarHoneyIcedTea.) Then there was Martin and Gina … other than being obsessed with the show, I LOVEDDD their relationship and swore I was going to be in love and have a relationship like that, until …

My first heartbreak. I remember replaying Amanda Perez’s “God send me an angel” over and over again, crying like I was literally dying inside. (Don’t y’all laugh, I know I’m not the only one, LOL). I was young though and let’s be honest, nothing in life prepared us for heartbreak. So what happened next? Who did you become?

I think there are two types of people you become after a heartbreak … a lover or a fighter. The lover continues to love no matter what. They have hope that eventually they’ll get it right. Eventually, they’ll pour enough love in to someone with the hopes of receiving that love back. They know how it feels to be broken so they don’t mind loving someone while they put their pieces back together. They love love even when love hasn’t loved them back.

Then there are the fighters. The fighter has a wall which if you make your way south of it, you might come across the Night King and the White Walkers before you make it to their heart. (Game of Thrones reference for those of you who haven’t dared to watch an episode.) Love has failed the fighter so vulnerability and transparency have become a distant thought. The fighter refuses to allow love to hurt them again so they close themselves up, making it tough for anyone to get in. It’s not personal … but this is how they chose to survive against love. It’s their defense mechanism. “Allow someone to hurt me again? I THINK NOT!” The fighter tends to come off emotionless and numb but to them, that’s safety. Sometimes, the fighter unintentionally hurts others because of their own inner strife and pain. Hurt people hurt people.

I think it’s safe to say, I’m a lover. Trust me, I’ve had thoughts of becoming a fighter many times but it isn’t me. I think loving and caring come second nature to me. As a lover, I think the hardest lesson I learned was realizing not everyone has the same heart as me. That’s not all bad either. I find strength in my heart because regardless of what it has endured, it just keeps on pumping … and as a lover, I’ll continue to love. I also fight for what I love and right now, that’s me.

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