Apologetic.

Every now and then, I like to take time for some self-evaluation. During these moments, I affirm myself, choosing things that I admire and pinpointing when I’ve done something good for myself. Also, I find things that I’m not happy with and do my best to work towards changing them. Instead this time, I’m not conforming myself to fit in where I never was meant to. I’ve tried and failed plenty of times when it comes to being someone more acceptable, more normal, more lovable but there is something I’ve always failed at to which I’ve opened my eyes abruptly:

I’M ALWAYS APOLOGIZING.

I’ve always been subtly aware of this tendency and I’ve realized my consistent apologies were me subconsciously apologizing for not being “normal” and for being somewhat … a mess. I’ve tried and quit things many times … always starting but never finishing, and I’ve run away from things. I’ve always feared being guided down a road less traveled and the consequences that may come with it. So I made a habit of feeling guilty, of being sorry, for simply being who I am and for doing what I do.

I truly noticed my problem during exchanges with my mother where she’s frequently telling me, “Stop apologizing.” There have even been times where she asks me, “Why are you apologizing” and I don’t have an answer BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHY!

So I write this post because I know I’m not the only one who’s overly apologetic and some of us are probably wondering how on Earth we can “fix” this. Most of these things are easier said than done but what’s easily obtained isn’t worth having.

First and foremost, STOP SAYING I’M SORRY, especially when no wrong has been done. If we do any harm, whether it’s intentional or not, then an apology is deemed as appropriate for the situation. Because honestly, the verbal habit leads us to believe that we should apologize for things as simple as speaking, for feeling, for sharing … hell, for even existing. With that being said, there is no reason for apology because who we are isn’t wrong.

Let’s try being not sorry. I’ve even come to a point where I verbally have to say out loud, “NOT SORRY” in order to not feel sorry. Saying it out loud leads you to truly believe it. Make a practice of letting it go. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, no approval or standards necessary. Love yourself, all ways, always. Be you …

UNAPOLOGETICALLY.