The Healer.

“Truth is … I attract damaged people because I have a healing spirit, but who gonna heal me?”

I saw this meme and immediately double tapped it. This is a question I tend to ask myself … mostly after I’ve done what I could to help someone else to only realize I’m alone in tending to my own mess. I’ve wanted to call and talk to someone, to ask for help .. but who would understand and not judge me? Listen and actually hear me?

I can say through my lifetime I’ve either made plenty of connections with damaged people because I, too, was broken. I think somewhere in the midst of the tribulations life has handed me, God deemed my purpose to be a healer. To this day, I still question as to whether or not that is my true purpose. How on Earth could God deem me a healer when I can’t even heal myself? I sit back and often look at some of the things I deal with or have dealt with and ask myself WHY? I see people in similar situations and say to myself, “Couldn’t be me”, when in actuality, it was me and has been me.

I think as a healer we believe that we are able to fix damaged and broken people. We are always trying to provide what this person lacks … love, affection, comfort. Unfortunately, we need the same thing in return and sometimes, these broken and damaged people do not know how to reciprocate that. Due to this, we become overbearing with our love … showering them constantly in hopes that they’ll see how to love and how to give it back to us. This is not always the case. Hurt people hurt people and instead love being on reciprocation, broken people only know how to defend themselves to avoid being hurt again. Leave before one is left. Hurt before one is hurt. Is it intentional? No and yes. It’s a defense mechanism, a wall they put up to which you the healer try to break down with hammer and a chisel.

All the while you’re trying to heal, you’re hurting yourself in the process. In the end, who is going to heal you? The answer is … YOU. You are your healer, your answer to all of your questions and problems. You also have God to talk to. I have to keep telling myself this because I know He’s there. I’m a Christian and I have faith in my savior … He may not answer verbally or right when I want Him to but He’s always on time and arrives when I’m ready for the blessing. PRIORITIZE. You are your priority, no one else’s. We cannot expect for people to make us a priority and then get upset when they treat us as an option. We are not anyone’s responsibility but our own. Our happiness is no one’s job but our’s. Put yourself first. It’s not selfish to stop being selfless. LEARN TO SAY NO. Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everyone’s request or demand for your time. If you aren’t in the mind state or head space to tend to someone else because you have your own problems, it’s okay to say no. If someone doesn’t understand that, oh well. Let them be mad. Always remember …

“HEAL YOU FIRST. HEAL THEM LATER. HEALTHY SELF. HEAL THY SELF.”